We'll be even

I am never everything all at once
and when I'm close to falling
I thought you could
wrap your arms
under mine
and hold me there for a while
if the heavy gets too much
and I am tired.
If that means I am weak
then I am powerless to change.
I need you
and that's what is real
for the time being.

This morning I thought

I have taken all the words you've spoken
and laid them in lines along the floor.
Rearranged each one
and moved them
next to a word they'd never seen before
so that you finally would have said
what I wanted you to since then
and the day could start differently.

It never worked

I have sat in the corner
of what is quiet
and watched,
still,
expecting those I hoped
knew
to know already
for longer than half of my days
and I am tired
and it isn't working
and I am lost
and out of ideas.

Idiocy in times like these

Foolish is the man
who uses a needle and thread
to sew imagination to truth
until it drapes from
one end of his day to the other
and hangs heavily over
all there is
until one doesn't exist alone
and there is only sorrow
when the fabric wears thin
and his life is proven to be
mostly make believe.

With scissors I cut leaves

With scissors
I cut leaves and shoots
out of the love letters
and planted the beginnings into
soil near my home
so they'd be new
and would grow up
walls built from habit
that I have lived inside
since there was a pen in my hand
and the roots would force each brick
to crack and weaken
so I could become strong in its place
and start again.
It seems only to make sense
to do what I can
until I am face to face
with the person I would've been
had I not wasted time
looking in vain
with eyes that were not mine.

Flight 52:12

So that you know

There are minutes that
compared to those before
are lack lustre and blue,
limping sadly towards
a then that is done.
And then there are those
that are embarrassingly rich
and full
of reminders
of what can be built
when you walk forward
knowing only too well
that the balance
isn't always
in your favour.

Until then, us

When I grow up
I will be inside your arms
and you will walk me
to the edge of what I know
and paint something
new
until we are in a world
made up of what we are,
together.

An obvious answer

There must be
a family of moles
living inside where
my brain
used to be,
burrowing and gnawing
and making themselves at home
amongst tissue
and matter,
cos my head is heavy
and I feel sick
and I can't think
of a more likely scenario
than that.

Lemons into lemonade

When your body flounders
and all that you have
is your voice
then bellow
and roar
and do not be quietened
by imminent conclusion.
Let it cast forward light
to illuminate all that you never said
and bask there
until the words restore your might
and tomorrow's burden is lifted.

Advice #4

There is nothing easy
but there is
regardless
and you can only
weave through
all that is left
dancing past shadows
until it is gone.

Entirely yours

My adoration for you is so
embarrassingly whole,
so complete in its form,
each line defined,
sharp and polished,
that it could be
seen and
identified
from towns ten over from here,
glowing boastfully and
basking in its own shine,
in spite of my pleading
to the contrary.

Him

I love Ronald Reagan very much.

End of post.
Sent using BlackBerry® from Orange

And when the time comes, illustrated

It was initially in reaction to the passing of Amendment 1 in North Carolina which banned gay marriage in the state but it soon became a plea to everyone to stop focusing on our differences and instead start focusing on the things we have in common. All of us are human and nothing else.

Beginning

It did not break.
It was just blown away
and I travelled along with it,
planted my feet when the wind stopped
and began growing a new life there
away from where you stood.

Thought you should know

If I could live inside your pocket
for a lifetime or more
then I most certainly would.
I would make a home
in the pouch of your shirt
so I would be near your heart
and would feel every beat
through the fabric
knowing for sure
that each beat was for me
and only me.

In spite of myself

I'm going to write
my sigh on a piece of paper
and fold it a thousand times,
until its smaller than a single penny,
and put it inside a box
and run to the middle of the woods
and dig a hole
all the way to China,
almost,
and put the box with the note inside
into the ground
and cover it in soil
and then run until I'm out of breath
and the woods are out of sight
and I'm far away from it all
because I miss you
and I don't want anybody to know.

How you knew what I was thinking

You sat covered in books
and scraps of paper
with the words
of great writers
scrawled carelessly
in black pen
on every line
as the light outside
disappeared behind houses,
and every now and then
glanced over at me
as I ran my fingers through my hair
and paced towards the window
and back again.
'You're never far from forever,'
you said
'no matter where you stand.'

Love is like falling

I kissed your mouth
to mark the spot
and to remember
and the taste of cigarette smoke
travelled from yours
into mine
and I knew I couldn't stay
and I'd never leave if I did
and I felt your weight on me
as we stood in each others arms
balanced
on a long arc
between then and now.
That night
you slept soundly
and I missed you.

And when the time comes

And when the time comes
that what you thought
begins to tarnish and rust
and the burnished flecks
of what you believed
inevitably
lay piled on the ground
I hope only that
in their place
a white light appears
and is fed
until it grows wider
than your narrow
point of view
and you see that
friction causes fires to burn
and that fire destroys
without exception.
Time won't stand still
waiting for you to catch it up
and you needn't be standing on
the wrong side of history
when what is certain
takes both of your hands
and pulls you into a living
that recognises
that we all rise and fall
and that
there is only harm
to be done
when we hold onto
what seperates us.

What I realised

I thought maybe I was dying
because I am as tired as I was
yesterday
and I've slept since then.
But I soon remembered
that being me is exhausting
cos I'm a dick most of the time
and my body just needs to catch up
with my mouth
and then I didn't think I was dying
anymore.

Smoke

I hope there isn't only
silence
that sips up
sound
after,
since today it seems certain
that even
love can break
and that devotion
doesn't promise eternity
no matter who you pray to.
There is only bones
and skin
and air
and a loneliness
that takes its place
when it is done.
Winter is gone
but its chill is sat on my shoulders
with its hands around my neck
and it is whispering
'everything dies'
into my ear
and I will continue to love you
even knowing what I do
and we'll make a home
inside of it
until we are smoke.

I only ever wanted a story

I found salvation there
behind where your eyes sat
and laughed at the idea
of being anywhere else.

It was not my home.

The elephants are on my desk but they live inside my heart

Idea #1 Illustrated

Weep

I can't be here alone
but please don't speak.
Just feed me words
until I'm full again
and don't feel like giving up.

I miss the way your eyes are.

Post weekend

Last night I spoke to no one
as I lay in bed
but I spoke nonetheless
and fell asleep
between sentences
to trick my mind
into thinking I was still there
and that you were there
beside me
talking back.