It is only today

It is only today
I realised
that days spent wishing
are days spent poorly
and
that waiting for change
is no better
than watching
time become something else
to forget about.

It is only today
I realised
that I am not Tracy Chapman
and I never will be
no matter how many times
I repeat her name in the mirror
and blink three times.
No matter if I braid my hair
and sing fast car
whilst driving
a fast car
'cross the border and into the city.

And if I work at the market as a check out girl
then I will be no closer to being her
because it will just be I
in a market
scanning tins of macaroni
and asking a middle aged man in an apron
and old trainers
for a price check on brown rice
over the tannoy.

I won't be Tracy Chapman
even if I drive so fast
that I feel drunk
and start talking about a revolution
at the top of my lungs.
And if it sounds like a whisper
and I run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run
I could never run far enough
that I would somehow shed my skin
and be re-birthed as a middle aged
American
singer-songwriter
with four grammys under my arms.

It doesn't matter what I do
because I will never be her.
I can only build my life up from here
and do my very best
to not fuck up the only one I have.